The very thought me taking that final step of being an Otaku Gaijin fills me with a certain amount of pride and dread (pread? dride?). Nothing says "Hard Core Geek" like learning Japanese.

What has made me take the plunge is a rather long rant, involving a whiteboard, lots of beers, and Jason Stormchild. He was showing me some Kanji, and how some kanji have an etymological basis. To the right, you can see the kanji for 'sun' and 'moon'. When you put those two characters together, you get the kanji for 'bright'. Similarly, the kanji for 'forest', is 3 trees done up together. Finally, there is the kanji for 'east', which is a combination of the kanji for sun and the kanji for tree, so it is like the sun rising in the east, peeking out through the trees.

It was this explanation (which, was way more poetically put by Jason) plus the repeated assertions that I would be one of the people to get a lot out of learning kanji that made me take the plunge. Learning a new verbal language has the same kind of potential as learning a new programming language, except, I rather suspect, that instead of changing the way you think about programming, it changes the way you think about thinking.

Merlin Mann over on 43 folders has this great post on what can be called the Tale of two selves. The meat of this entry is that the unified self that we believe is responsible for our actions is an illusion. The self that might set goals like "I wont to work hard, be productive and buy a house." may be over-ridden by another self that is faced with the prospect of hard partying and instant gratification. We wander through life assuming that the 'I' is a stable rock that we can cling to, when there seems to be similar selves but with different motivations at different times. The same I that says "I am on a diet!" is not the same I that is buying the ice cream.

But this separation of selves is much more subtle then a distinct dumb-ass-instant-grat-self and the monocle-wearing-disciplined-self. Not only are the selves that we wear when at home, work, or the club are all different selves, but the selves that we present to our bosses and our team members are different. The same me that comes home from work is not really the same me that kisses my daughter "goodnight". So what happens when one self wants something, but the other does not? Which self wins? Which self should win? Which self is the real me? Which me should make the decisions?

Perhaps most illustrative of this whole concept of multiple selves, and more importantly, multiple selves in conflict is illustrated with a self-battle every day at around 5:30. I know I should be heading home, cause that is the optimal time to catch the train, go see my wife and daughter, but... just. One. More. Frag. (won't hurt). The me that is in the immersive game of Quake 3 wants to show these jerkbags what-for, but the other me wants to go home and see my family. On to of that, there is a background me that is avoiding going home, cause that means I'll have to deal with my other job sooner.


This is very deeply connected to the "50K feet", and "runway" views of your life that David Allen talks about. For those that don't know, the "Runway" is whats going on (and what needs to be done) right now. Then there are the views of your life, getting higher and higher. 10K feet being your current projects, 20K feet being the projects for this year, all the way up to 50K feet, which is your life's goal, your raison d'etre. The thing is, that you have to have a clear line between the runway and 50K feet. If your nose is pointed at the British Isles, but you want to go to Japan, then you're going to have to make an in-air turn, and that is going to be painful.

Now the first urge is to say "Well okay, lets turn this plane west, and be done with it.", which is to say, buckle down and get to reaching your goals. But if your nose is pointed East, but your goals are pointed West, which is out of sync? Do you need a course correction at a higher level or a lower level? In reality, two goals aren't quite so mutually exclusive. That being said, if my 50K feet goals are in sync with the selves-that-I-am-in-my-daily-life, then it is much easier to achieve them. But if you really feel that your life's work is to save the world, and you are cranking widgets from 9-5, then you have a problem. Maybe you need to reset your 50K view, and choose a different direction for your life, maybe you need to work toward quitting your job and figure out how to save the world instead, or perhaps you need to re-evaluate how the widget cranking is helping you to save the world.

I think that the crux of getting your selves to work together as a unified country, instead of a civil war is to start by extending lines down from the 50K view. To meet your goal of changing the world, you need to eventually boil that down to action steps and this process of boiling down your life's work means starting at your top, with things like retirement goals and the goals you have for the next 50 years, and working your way down the ladder to 20, 10, and 5 years, until you get down to where the rubber meets the road (or runway in this extended analogy). As you start this boiling down task, you might see goals that work their way upward. In fact, ideally, you will have a situation where some of your more immediate goals can start to fall in sync with the loftier goals as a person.

So when magicians are talking about their true-will, this is where they are going with it. To understand ones desires, from the base desires like,"ugh! want to have crazy-sex shoot big imaginary virtual guns at people and eat cookie dough ice cream!" all the way up to the lofty "I must save the world—no one else is." is to get at the heart of ones "true will".

Over on the BPS Research Digest, they have an article on the Line Between Artist and Madman. Apparently artists and schizophrenics share a lot of similar experiences, with a single exception. Apparently the line which separates an artist from a mad(wo)man is introvertive anhedonia—a condition where one lacks motivation and emotion.

As an aside, check out the Art of Louis Wain, an Artist who started out "normal", but developed schizophrenia as he aged. Pictured to the right is a 'stage 2' drawing of a cat. Check the link for even crazier kitties.

Harmony has picked up a new behaviour: frequently when I ask her to do something, and she doesn't, she will meow like a kitten, and get down on all fours, and play a little game of Harmony-is-a-kitty.

KAWAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! (as in, that is hella cute)

It makes me wonder, is it because "no" sounds like "meow", so she is reminded of kitties, so she goes and plays kitty?

Or is it that her 2 year old ego fractures itself, and she takes on the role of an animal because she is expressing her animalistic id instincts of her own mind, rather then of the super-ego of her dad; and by taking on the animal persona she does not have to cope with the rejection of what is right and proper?

(the second part was a joke...)