Just so that we are all on the same page here, I've quit smoking a grand total of 3 times. The first time I quit for around 2-3 months, but I eventually broke down and smoked one cig, then two cigs, and eventually gave up quitting. The second time I quit. I mean really quit. 2 1/2 years or something similar. Now I am quitting for a 3rd time.

I am getting pretty good at quitting smoking. I just need to learn to stay quit, thats all. Here are a couple of interesting coping strategies that I have picked up over the years.

First the basics:

• Quit. Just quit. Don't try and ease yourself off cigs, don't try the patch, or gum, or any of that shit. You are addicted, physically, and quite likely psychologically to the nicotine. If you keep exposing yourself to it, then you aren't doing yourself any favours.
• Limit your exposure to the temptation. It is much easier to resist the temptation to smoke when there isn't anyone smoking right in front of you. after a month or two you should be at the point where the idea of a cigarette makes you sick, or just doesn't interest you.
• Remember that the benefits to quitting smoking happen an hour after you quit, and keep on happening up to 15 years after you quit.
• If you smoke due to an oral fixation, use other things to help deal with the oral aspect. Gum, pencils, etc.
• Your last cig should be the last cigarette of the night. That means you sleep through the first 6-12 hours of non-smoking.
• Allow yourself some over-indulgence of your other vices. Within reason of course. If you drink coffee, don't be afraid to drink a little more coffee then normal. Whatever helps take the edge off. Be careful about this; if you end up becoming a raging alcoholic because you quit smoking, you've slid backwards, not forwards.

It's all mental baby

Quitting smoking is all mental. I mean, sure your body craves nicotine for a little while, but the bodily cravings are tolerable. With this in mind, you can approach quitting smoking with the proper frame of mind that hopefully means less stress for you, your friends and your family. One thing to consider is that smoking is ritualized. Taking the cigarette out of the pack, lighting it, and smoking it all constitute an elaborate ritual. As human beings, we live and thrive on ritual and routine. Consider replacing the ritual of smoking with some other tiny ritual. Another thing about smoking is that it gives you a break when you normally wouldn't. Don't be afraid to give yourself little breaks to run off and hide from the code, the dishes, or even the child. Just because you quit the smoking, doesn't mean you quit the break.

One thing that helped for me has been to listen to entirely too much Alan Watts. In fact, I usually have 2 audio-player instances running, one doing Alan Watts, and the other doing some kinda combined play list of Downtempo and Atmospheric Drum 'n Bass. Good stuff.

The best help comes frim my wife, and my friends. If they weren't there to help support my non-smoking, then it wouldn't be nearly as easy. Hearing "I'm so proud of you" from your wife makes it so much easier to stay positive about not smoking.

Another idea to help you quit is meditation. It may not be your cup o tea, but believe it or not, it can help. My friend Jen suggested the Tibetan Tong Len (sending and taking) form of meditation:

Normally, we are not very concerned about others. Because of this, we have developed this very strong belief in the "I." From this arises all our emotional negativity. To eliminate all our emotional negativity and thoughts of "I," we have to learn how to train our mind which can be done by sending and taking meditation. Sending and Taking (Tib. tong len) meditation is meant to help us develop a pure attitude by diminishing our involvement with ourselves and increasing our thoughts of others. Sending and taking meditation will help us develop bodhicitta[sic], (fn 12) the aspiration to achieve Buddhahood for the sake of all beings. In this practise[sic] we exchange our happiness for the unhappiness and suffering of other beings. This meditation is also connected with breathing. When we exhale, we imagine that we send a very bright light which goes out to reach all beings. This white light represents all our happiness, everything that is good in our life. We also think that it contains the seeds of happiness, which are all our virtues. So this white light reaches all beings and as it reaches them, it brings them great happiness and joy. In return, when we inhale we imagine that we are taking in a very dark, black light which carries with it all the suffering, problems, difficulties and all the causes of those problems. We do this meditation just following the natural rhythm of breathing. We know we want happiness and with sending and taking practise[sic] we realize that others want this happiness also. So whatever we have, we offer it to them. Whatever unhappiness and suffering they do not want, we imagine taking it. So sending and taking meditation is an excellent tool to further the growth of bodhicitta, the motivation of enlightenment.

From the Venerable Thrangu Rinpoche

The biggest thing is to revel in your non-smoking. Don't wallow in it. If you can enjoy the fact that you aren't smoking, then how likely are you to begin? If you can even learn to enjoy the nic-fits, how can you even think about starting smoking? This is definitely one of those things that is deeply personal, and takes a lot of thought, time and introspection to do. I personally tie my nic-fitting into my submissive nature and it seems to work out okay for me. But there are other ways to look at it and deal with it, such as: competitively "Damn Big Tobacco! They won't get the best of me!", as a personal challenge "Quitting smoking is like climbing this mountain!", spiritually "Quitting smoking takes me closer to god." or whatever turns and/or floats your crank and/or boat.

Quitting smoking is one of those things that can turn your life around. Because it is such a big change it allows you the opportunity to change other aspects of your life in tandem. It becomes a springboard for other life changes. Quitting smoking is difficult, really difficult, and when you do it, it serves as proof that you can do other things that are more difficult, and take greater strength.

Starting up again isn't as big a downfall as one might think either. If you have one drag of a cigarette and stop there, then it isn't like the quitting was all for null. Hell, even if you smoke for 8 months—uhh... for example— and then quit, it still doesn't mean that the first, second, or fifth time you quit was for nothing. Especially if you can look at the reasons why you started up again, and try to get around those next time.

Good Luck.

I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius,
The more you beat me, I will fawn on you:
Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me,
Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,
Unworthy as I am, to follow you.
What worser place can I beg in your love,--
And yet a place of high respect with me,--
Than to be used as you use your dog?

-- Helena from A Midsummer Nights Dream by William Shakespeare

here is a great quote from Robin Whittle, creator of the Devil Fish modification for the TB-303. Don't worry if you can't understand the electronics technobabble, there are some real gems in here.

The Devil Fish does not have an external oscillator, but it does have an external input. The Devil Fish principle is for a single chain of processes (not two oscillators in parallel) to be doing things which range from "electronic naturalesque" to "mechanical overdrive" - through the use of unusual circuitry, high signal levels, and in one case, a filter FM feedback system which can elegantly approach chaos. Those who recognise that complex things like a love life can benefit from wise or reckless overloading of certain elements (for instance a hard spanking) are well on their way to understanding the Devil Fish. In this case the filter is driven well beyond normal limits. Like an ultimately appreciative spankee, its noises and gyrations provide depth, complexity and emotional heat which is exciting and highly satisfying for all concerned. (As when any gentleman heats up a derriere, there is no permanent damage.) Boosting the oscillator level to 20 times normal was good, but there was a promise of even greater excitement at even higher levels. I decided this called for the clothesbrush treatment and whilst examining various combinations of standard resistor values, decided that the pair which gave 66.6 times the normal level was the most auspicious. (Gentlemen, if you think that all that women want is what they say they want, then you need to read some romantic spanking fiction written by women, for women. An excellent source is "Sassy Ladies Magazine" - PO Box 4516 Lexington, KY 40544 USA US$12 for a sample issue. From their advert - "Independent, feisty women find they still need strong, caring men.")

Right then.

Time to start modding.

I'm actually in the process of looking at the Devil Fish modifications, and seeing how I could implement my own, and even looking into other mod ideas. All this is on my x0xd0x wiki, specifically the mods section.

Yay Amorous Propensities for a list of DIY BDSM links.

On the DIY BDSM front, so far I haven't found enough information to say 'yay' or 'nay' to using a piezoelectric lighter. On the other hand, A friend of mine is going to be hooking me up with a reasonable tester, So I can get an accurate voltage (and perhaps more important, amperage) reading. I'll report more when I know more.

First off, a brief hello to Richard from 'Down On My Knees' and Traci. You guys get mad props for making comments. Awwwooo. Also, a brief hello to whomever else is showing up. I seem to have gotten a recent influx of traffic.

Warning: This movie review is full of spoilers! I use the movie Audition to make some points about BDSM, the lines between fantasy and reality, and the moods of a BDSM scene. Now, if you have not seen Audition, don't worry, that is not a pre-requisite for reading this entry. In fact if totally gory Japanese flicks aren't your thing, it might be worth your while to skip watching it, and read the brief synopsis on the right.

Audition makes a statement (whether it means to or not) on the state of sexual politics in Japan, where women are very subservient to men. But it also is perhaps making a statement about expressions of sexuality. If you do keep an ear to the 'sick-internet-porn' ground, you no doubt have seen (or if you are lucky, only heard of) various 'porn' movies involving people barfing into bowls, eating it, and/or feeding it to others. The fact that this theme is repeated in Audition is probably no co-incidence. I am not into barf-play myself though.

There is some other fetish play parallels going on here as well. I'm going go briefly gloss over the amputation thing, because, like barf, it isn't my thing. There is also the play piercing angle. But like all things in this movie, it is done to the extreme. It is meant to disturb after all.

Probably one of the most disturbing parts of that movie was the torture scenes at the very end. Because on the one hand, being fed barf, having acupuncture needles stuck (straight) into you, and having your limbs sawn off is absolutely no fun. But to be tortured by someone who so obviously takes that much pride, joy and fun in their work is absolute heaven. As Richard commented in a Previous Post of Mine, a BDSM scene is more fun with laughter and imagination. (That being said, I don't event want to imagine that the bowl is full of barf, thank you very much.) The sing-song happiness in Asami's voice is unmistakable. Her movements and skill not only suggest a business like proficiency in what she is doing, but a joy as well. It's like a visit from your friendly neighbourhood dental hygienist and nymphomaniac sadist—all rolled up into one. That kind of skill, joy, and enjoying-of-the-skill is enough to take a submissive over the edge.

There are interesting lines being exposed here. In the BDSM community, its all about 'safe, sane and consensual.' A mantra that is repeated ad nauseum to give legitimacy to a sexuality that is for all its posturing, not entirely about 100% safety, sanity or consensuality, but is in fact about and is rooted in it's opposition. I am certainly not advocating non-consensual sex. But there are a lot of people who truly value the fact that they can't get out of the bondage they are in, and that they are stuck with whatever the top is going to dole out. For a lot of people that is part of the fantasy. A spanking is infinitely more exciting when you know you can't yelp out a traffic light colour to get out of it. Part of the joy of skydiving is that you could fall to your death (on the other side of the token, part of preparing for skydiving is doing things like properly packaging your chute). I suspect, that branding, breath play, edge play and other 'deep BDSM' experiences like that have a similar draw. It is because you are taken so close to the edge that the excitement is there. Which, brings up its own questions: After pushing the edges and boundaries for so long, how much further do you have to go? Is there an analogy here to extreeeeeem parachuters who start by jumping out of planes with a fully automatic chute, but end up base-jumping off of buildings for the ultimate rush?

That is what this movie does, It takes you—rapid-fire—to the boundary, the sweet spot. Then it shoots you over the cliff. Again, and again, and again. Simultaneously you are both utterly revolted, but yet strangely drawn to what is happening. It is a bad car accident happening inside of you. "Wow, that whole black rubber and leather get-up sure is hot! She is pulling out needles! Hardcore! Ahh! they're going in his eyelids! Too far! But the 'deeper, deeper' How disturbing! How wonderful! I'm so conflicted! Ahh! what is she doing with that Piano wire!" <Fall off cliff>

In short, it is a good movie because it is so disturbing, and because it plays with the lines. But it also takes you face to face with some very uncomfortable aspects of BDSM sexuality, and approaches it from the wrong (that is completely non-consensual, totally un-sane) angle.